I checked into jail on foursquare
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
