i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
