Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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