i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
