Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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