what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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