He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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