God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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