And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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