mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
