I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
