hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
