Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
