Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
