Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
