He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize