Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
