I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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