well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
