Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!

(1-313): View more from Michigan

it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...

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(303): View more from Colorado

I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in

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(623): View more from Arizona

listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.

(202): View more from Washington, DC

Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.

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(443): View more from Maryland

He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.

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(253): View more from Washington

drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA

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(714): View more from California

You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.

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(385): View more from Utah

That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.

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(510): View more from California

Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....

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