This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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