it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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