I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
this beer tastes like vomit already
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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