Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize