he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He did a backflip because drugs
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