There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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