Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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