if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
