I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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