She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
