he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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