i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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