he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
