well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
