I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
smell my finger.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
