I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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