We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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