eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
