Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
