Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
