Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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