dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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