operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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