your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
