I want to stick my p in your. b.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
