Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
