i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize