brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He? As in you personified your dick?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
