i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
