allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
