i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
