Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Randomize
