Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Too much gin, very little bucket
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
