She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
