the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
