Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize