He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
