I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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